or; the Bible itself teaches us as much.
Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
2Thess. 2:3
This is one of the best-known verses in the Bible to support the idea of the coming of the Antichrist, set to come shortly before the second coming of the big guy himself. Much speculation has been made by alarmists as to who this man may be (with people asserting that it may be Prince Chucky of Wales or Georgie Porgie Puddin'n'Bush), but this morning the heavens opened, the huge, crowned head of god came forth from the clouds (it was very Monty Python), and he pronounced to me who the Antichrist was.
The conversation went something like this:
ME: Holy crap! Who are you?
GOD: It's me, stupid. God. The big guy. Your real boss.
ME (Channeling Bill Cosby): . . . Riiiight.
GOD: As if I haven't heard that joke a million times. Very funny, son. Not.
ME: Sorry, dad.
GOD: Should be, punk kid. Anyway, the reason I came here today was to --
ME (Interrupting): Tell me to seek the Holy Grail? It's a myth, or maybe it's a hot woman like Audrey Toutou in that movie.
GOD: Seriously, boy, you're cruisin' for a lightning bolt to the head. What's that metal rod coming out of your head there?
ME: Sorry, man. I'll stop bugging you. Shoot.
GOD: At any rate, I'm just here to tell you that the Antichrist has made himself known, and I wanted to warn you.
ME: Ooh, who? I feel so lucky to be privileged to receive such info. Lemme guess – Britney Spears.
GOD: Close, but no cigar. It's . . . Bum Bum Bum (yes, He made “bum bum bum”s with his mouth) . . . MIKE HUCKABEE!
ME: Double freakin' holy crap! I'd better get this info out there.
GOD (Sarcastically): Yeah, that'll be great. Post it on your blog or something.
So that's how it went down. God told me through the clouds this fine morning that Mike Huckabee, for all his posturing as a “Christian” candidate, is in fact the Antichrist. Hee hee hee.
But not being content simply with God telling me as much, I decided to weigh in the facts. Let's see an in-depth biblical analysis of Huckabee's Anti-Christian identity. So I turned to “Bible Universe”, some gay website who had a whole page devoted to it. Let's break it down, point by excruciating point that they go over (my analysis of their points in italics):
The Antichrist is revealed before the second coming of Jesus. (2 Thessalonians 2:1-3) Well, Jesus ain't showed up yet, so that's good to go.
The Antichrist has a visible leader. (Acts 20:30; 2 Thessalonians 2:4; Daniel 7:8) Mike Huckabee has the support of all those “Christian” televangelists. That's pretty much built-in psychotic leadership.
The Antichrist comes from within the church. (Acts 20:30; 2 Thessalonians 2:4) Southern Baptist minister, anyone?
and then takes up residence in the church (2 Thessalonians 2:4) I repeat, Southern Baptist minister . . .
The Antichrist rules for a long period of time. (Revelation 13:5, 12:6, 12:14; Daniel 7:25) He certainly will if we elect him.
The Antichrist receives its power from the Devil. (Revelation 13:2; Revelation 12:9) How else would you classify his meteoric rise to power?
The Antichrist blasphemes God. (Revelation 13:5-6; Daniel 7:8,20,25) Well, his own bigoted behavior blasphemes rather mightily.
The Antichrist tries to change God's law. (Daniel 7:25) By pardoning convicted criminals, perhaps?
The Antichrist persecutes the people who keep God's law. (Revelation 13:2, 12:17, 14:12; Daniel 7:21) Look at how he (and others in his “denomination”) treat fellow believers.
All the other sections deal with things after the Antichrist is in charge (which, thank heavens, Huckabee ain't yet). So now we know what we must do – we must rise up in revolt against this potential Antichrist and opponent of the BIG GUY UPSTAIRS! Iowa, it's all on you. Don't start us off on the wrong foot and blow it here, you retards.
Don't blow it. Or you deserve your Antichrist.