Self-deprecation is worth its weight in smoldering phoenix-ashes and baby unicorn tears.
or; the Bible itself teaches us as much.
Published on December 31, 2007 By SanChonino In Religion
Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
2Thess. 2:3

This is one of the best-known verses in the Bible to support the idea of the coming of the Antichrist, set to come shortly before the second coming of the big guy himself. Much speculation has been made by alarmists as to who this man may be (with people asserting that it may be Prince Chucky of Wales or Georgie Porgie Puddin'n'Bush), but this morning the heavens opened, the huge, crowned head of god came forth from the clouds (it was very Monty Python), and he pronounced to me who the Antichrist was.

The conversation went something like this:

ME: Holy crap! Who are you?

GOD: It's me, stupid. God. The big guy. Your real boss.

ME (Channeling Bill Cosby): . . . Riiiight.

GOD: As if I haven't heard that joke a million times. Very funny, son. Not.

ME: Sorry, dad.

GOD: Should be, punk kid. Anyway, the reason I came here today was to --

ME (Interrupting): Tell me to seek the Holy Grail? It's a myth, or maybe it's a hot woman like Audrey Toutou in that movie.

GOD: Seriously, boy, you're cruisin' for a lightning bolt to the head. What's that metal rod coming out of your head there?

ME: Sorry, man. I'll stop bugging you. Shoot.

GOD: At any rate, I'm just here to tell you that the Antichrist has made himself known, and I wanted to warn you.

ME: Ooh, who? I feel so lucky to be privileged to receive such info. Lemme guess – Britney Spears.

GOD: Close, but no cigar. It's . . . Bum Bum Bum (yes, He made “bum bum bum”s with his mouth) . . . MIKE HUCKABEE!

ME: Double freakin' holy crap! I'd better get this info out there.

GOD (Sarcastically): Yeah, that'll be great. Post it on your blog or something.

So that's how it went down. God told me through the clouds this fine morning that Mike Huckabee, for all his posturing as a “Christian” candidate, is in fact the Antichrist. Hee hee hee.

But not being content simply with God telling me as much, I decided to weigh in the facts. Let's see an in-depth biblical analysis of Huckabee's Anti-Christian identity. So I turned to “Bible Universe”, some gay website who had a whole page devoted to it. Let's break it down, point by excruciating point that they go over (my analysis of their points in italics):

The Antichrist is revealed before the second coming of Jesus. (2 Thessalonians 2:1-3) Well, Jesus ain't showed up yet, so that's good to go.

The Antichrist has a visible leader. (Acts 20:30; 2 Thessalonians 2:4; Daniel 7:8) Mike Huckabee has the support of all those “Christian” televangelists. That's pretty much built-in psychotic leadership.

The Antichrist comes from within the church. (Acts 20:30; 2 Thessalonians 2:4) Southern Baptist minister, anyone?

and then takes up residence in the church (2 Thessalonians 2:4) I repeat, Southern Baptist minister . . .

The Antichrist rules for a long period of time. (Revelation 13:5, 12:6, 12:14; Daniel 7:25) He certainly will if we elect him.

The Antichrist receives its power from the Devil. (Revelation 13:2; Revelation 12:9) How else would you classify his meteoric rise to power?

The Antichrist blasphemes God. (Revelation 13:5-6; Daniel 7:8,20,25) Well, his own bigoted behavior blasphemes rather mightily.

The Antichrist tries to change God's law. (Daniel 7:25) By pardoning convicted criminals, perhaps?

The Antichrist persecutes the people who keep God's law. (Revelation 13:2, 12:17, 14:12; Daniel 7:21) Look at how he (and others in his “denomination”) treat fellow believers.

All the other sections deal with things after the Antichrist is in charge (which, thank heavens, Huckabee ain't yet). So now we know what we must do – we must rise up in revolt against this potential Antichrist and opponent of the BIG GUY UPSTAIRS! Iowa, it's all on you. Don't start us off on the wrong foot and blow it here, you retards.

Don't blow it. Or you deserve your Antichrist.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Dec 31, 2007
Wow, there's something about being a Mormon that makes you want to bash Huckabee huh? You, Mitt, and the rest of the Mormon church have some innate desire to get this guy. Joseph Smith must have read that on the golden plates from his hat huh?

on Dec 31, 2007
Thanks to Cedarbird for the inspiration for this article. The "Religion" section on this site really needs a sub-heading for "Humor".

Wallace: Go suck your own wank, buddy.
on Dec 31, 2007
SanChonino: Nice comeback, wow that was clever. It appears you don't completely agree with what I wrote. And yet you display your abhorrence to what I write with something intellectual yet eloquent. Bravo!!
on Dec 31, 2007
Nice comeback, wow that was clever.

I save my clever comebacks for people that rate them. You're just a trolling asshole that can go suck on your own wank.
on Jan 01, 2008
Well then, I give your original comeback an 8.5, it was well thought out but lacked that certain flair...

There's your rating....

Now do I get your good stuff, or do I have to keep pulling South Park quotes on you....lame....not cool.....
on Jan 01, 2008
You need to stop repressing your feelings about Huckabee. Holding it inside like this is bad for you.

do I have to keep pulling South Park

You call it "South Park"?

Pull away, but please don't post any pictures.

EwwwwTube, anyone?

on Jan 01, 2008
Wallace: your ineptitude with common, twenty-first century vernacular would be laughable, if it wasn't so pathetic.

You're like an annoying asspimple every time you come around these parts - sorta bothersome, but we all know you'll be gone again in a day or two.

Gene: holding my true feelings inside is far more fun.

Whip: hate to mention it, but Rudy's been almost invisible lately. . .
on Jan 01, 2008
Truth be told, nobody impresses me much on either side of the aisle. There's a list of candidates I DON'T want (Hillary, Edwards, Giuliani), but the rest of the pool pretty much suck equally. Paul's the best of a poor lot, but I'll readily concede even he is my choice as a "lesser of several evils" candidate.
on Jan 01, 2008
Found some new poll info from the Des Moines Register, thought you might like it.

"Among Republicans, Huckabee, a former Arkansas governor, had the backing of 32 percent of those surveyed, and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney had 26 percent"

I think all the negative ads have taken a toll against Mitt.

And Rudy is invisible in Iowa and NH on purpose Chones, he's been spending time in the big states.

And I'm surprised with you LW, I didn't think the pot man was for Rudy, I thought you more of a Ron Paul person.

And yes Gene, the quotes I talk about was from the Mormon and Awesomo episodes.....if you haven’t seen the Mormon one, you're deprived.....have to see it man, it sums up Mormons pretty well.
on Jan 01, 2008
For the record, Wallace: I can't stand Mitt Romney. He's one of my least favorite candidates in the entire Republican running.

But I like Huckabee even less.

And people act like he's the second coming of Jesus into politics.
on Jan 01, 2008
Ron Paul would never get my vote, part of my vote goes to who won't force a RIF. I work for the DoD, and this guy will compromise our security. Best three for national security would be Rudy, McCain, and Huckabee, not necessarily in that order. And National Security is not just strengthening our borders, but also in our oversees efforts. We always need to be a selective engagement country.

on Jan 01, 2008
Ron Paul would never get my vote, part of my vote goes to who won't force a RIF. I work for the DoD, and this guy will compromise our security. Best three for national security would be Rudy, McCain, and Huckabee, not necessarily in that order.

Nice that a prolifer refuses to vote for a prolife candidate! Ron Paul is EASILY the most staunch opponent of Roe V. Wade, which I thought was important to the religious right. Guess not.

Ron Paul will not compromise our security. If anything, by disengaging us from every conflict around the globe, he will improve it, as the troops we DO have will be stationed within our borders and capable of performing tasks like, I don't know, DEFENDING them against the drug lords that currently control our southern flank!
on Jan 01, 2008
Almost as funny as the Mormon not liking the Mormon candidate...

Gid, I hate to insult you without knowing your background, but if you really believe that bringing our troops home will improve national security, you need a history lesson, and an idea on who we're fighting. I'm now curious however, what do you propose we do with our military when we bring them home in a large mass? And how will this improve our southern border? And why do you disagree with every military advisor and 3 letter orgs in this country? Hint: Look up the dozens of terrorist attacks in the mid 90's against the US. Selective engagement has been, and must be our method of national security. Our economy depends on it.

Ron Paul is not running for the Republican party, he's an independent at best. He's a web libertarian darling, with some Hillary dangerous ideas.

Do you know what SOUTHCOM does Gid? Just another hint...And no you wont find the answer on Wiki.
on Jan 01, 2008
Wallace, we've never met, so hi. Now that the niceties are complete, let's discuss your idiocy. First, when San Chonino says that you don't rate a comeback, it doesn't mean you give him a rating for it. It means your not worthy of one. Second, the only reason anyone would pick Huckabee as president of the United States is if they really, really hated everyone in the world and wanted to make not only their own life, but other lives (namely the whole nation) completely and utterly miserable.

Please go away.
on Jan 01, 2008
Forgot to respond to Gid's point:

"Nice that a prolifer refuses to vote for a prolife candidate! Ron Paul is EASILY the most staunch opponent of Roe V. Wade, which I thought was important to the religious right. Guess not."

Wow Gid....what's your point? Because I'm not goint to vote for Paul I'm pro abortion....kind of a stretch....

last I checked, Rudy was the only real pro-death advocate....Huckabee has always been pro-life, Mitt had a revelation and has changed, Fred's kind of screwy. My point is Ron Paul isn’t the only guy running who is pro-life....but you knew that. So my follow up question is...What's your point?
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