A new pantoum - read, please.

Published on April 20, 2008 By SanChonino In Writing

For those of you who remember, last year I finally succeeded in writing a pantoum, that most annoyingly beautiful type of poetry that seems so difficult to construct but is so worth it.

Lately (like so many on here) I've been suffering a nasty bout of writer's block about everything but writing down what's happening in Spain, which seems to be boring the majority of people lately since they refuse to stop by and read or comment. (Those who do - you rock!) But today I was able to get over it a little bit, and this pantoum was the result. Let me know what you think.

Rich darkness, thick black nothingness,
full of portent, fattened with fears.
Words lose meaning in this bleakness,
a cold wind blows, haunting the years.

Full of portent, fattened with fears,
my heart beats wildly, loudly, fast.
A cold wind blows, haunting the years,
bringing me to confront my past.

My heart beats wildly, loudly, fast,
my breath is short; these memories rise,
bringing me to confront my past -
leaving façades, destroying lies.

My breath is short. These memories rise
to make me face my dark demons,
leaving façades, destroying lies -
this revelation quickens, stuns.

To make me face my dark demons,
words lose meaning in this bleakness.
This revelation quickens, stuns,
rich darkness, thick black nothingness.

Comments

SanChonino

on Apr 20, 2008

New pantoum, meet new Opeth.

Oh HECKS yeah.

Zoologist03

on Apr 20, 2008

Hmm, it's like mixing up a sandwich...sort of. 2nd and 4th lines are the 1st and 3rd of the next stanza and of course there's the rhyming, which I love.

I might try this form sometime.

Good writing, SanCho.

~Zoo

uDigItTheMost

on Apr 20, 2008

You suck, SanCho. You bitch about having writer's block then you write something this good. So yes you suck big time!

I tried writing a pantoum a couple of times and produced nothing but frustration. Every one came out sounding corny or amateurish. Maybe we should do a JUWC pantoum style.

dynamaso

on Apr 20, 2008

Pantoums are particularly difficult. I've had a crack at 'em a couple of times and they've taken me quite a while to nut out. You've done particularly well with this one, mate. Very dark but enjoyable nonetheless.

JUWC pantoum style.

I think we tried once before and didn't get very far. I vote you start this one, Chris.

SanChonino

on Apr 21, 2008

Thanks, guys! Glad you like it. Hopefully I'll bust through that nasty writer's block yet.

Cedarbird

on Apr 22, 2008

Kewl.

amandapearl2

on Aug 26, 2008

I stumbled across this a little late in the game but I must say it is very nice, and a very intriguing style, I will have to try it though I usually don't do much with structure.

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