Self-deprecation is worth its weight in smoldering phoenix-ashes and baby unicorn tears.
or; caca updates.
Published on January 5, 2008 By SanChonino In Misc
Ugh. I haven't gotten my visa yet, because of stupid complications with the school and the Christmas holiday. It's got me seriously stressed out - I can't sleep, I can't eat, I feel sick to my stomach all the time, and my quality of life isn't that great right now, consequently.

And I'm going to feel this way until I get the visa, because everything is riding on that damned thing. If I don't have it, I'm screwed. I'll lose my scholarships, because I won't be going to school this semester. I won't be able to go to school, thus delaying grad school another semester. I've already given my job my leaving notice, which means I won't have a place to work - and all the money for insurance, plane tickets, visa applications, etc. will have been in vain - over 2000 big ones flushed down the toilet.

So it's not like I don't have cause to be worried. But I worry, stew, and fret about it all day, every day.

It's not healthy.


So, because I don't want to worry about the visa, I try to put my mind on other things. But the problem with that is I'm in high worry mode - which means that, whatever else I try to focus on, I worry about it.

For example: there's this girl I met recently (oddly enough, the girl that's taking my place at the bank when I leave) who's very cool, and who I've become quite fond of.

We've gone out a couple of times, but every time I think about her, I fret about stupid things, and over-analyze everything. Seriously. Like a teenage girl or something. I dissect every word she says, every message she sends me, to try and decipher whether or not she likes me.

Normally, I'd just be chill about it. No need to rush stuff, and all that. But instead of the normal, I'm plagued by thoughts of her.

Right sucks, it does.


Anyway, I thought I had something else to talk about, but the stupid visa (or the girl, when I'm trying not to think about the visa) is all that I can think about lately.

I mean, come on. It's not like I can really date this girl anyway - I'm (in theory, dammit) leaving for Spain at the end of the month. So what am I fretting about?

Judas Priest. I hate it.

on Jan 05, 2008
Sorry, I missed the blog about where you are going to study. And I'm just heading off to sleep. Sorry for the lack of effort. But you are going to study overseas? That is really exciting! Where are you going to go?

About the visa stuff, I know you can't help but worry but that's how this stuff goes. The only country whose visa applications seem to run smoothly is Japan. I hear lots of horror stories and lots of stress stories. Hmmm... now that I say this, someone will come up with a Japanese visa tale of woe.

It will probably just all come in under the wire.

Good luck and please repsond with details of your school plans!

on Jan 05, 2008
You WILL get the visa!!! It will happen!!! It's all about how you think on it. If you are positive, then it will happen. Negative, and it's more likely not to happen. Have faith!
on Jan 05, 2008
I'm (in theory, barring the arrival of the visa) going to study at the Universitat Rovira i Virgili, studying Spanish literature for a semester. It's in the city of Tarragona, right on the Mediterranean coast. It's one of the oldest cities in Spain, founded by the Romans way back in the BCEs.

I'm really excited to go, and everything has seemed to fall right into place and felt just right. So I'm hoping that my worries are in vain.
on Jan 05, 2008
You will get our visa and all will go as plan! It's out there in the Universe B, it's your turn to live your dream!
on Jan 05, 2008
Uh...wouldn't a MasterCard work as well?    Anyway, if it's a visa what you really want and need, I hope it comes soon!
on Jan 06, 2008
Your study program sounds way cool!
on Jan 06, 2008
Best of luck getting the Visa. Lucky you...I would LOVE to go to Spain one day.
on Jan 06, 2008
I hate that feeling, SC. Waiting for something to come through that you have basically no control over. You have faith that in the end it will work out, but in the meantime you are SWEATING it.

I hope you have internet access and time for us when you are studying and exploring in Spain. I will miss you!
on Jan 06, 2008
I'm sure the visa will come through, mate. If it doesn't, then I hope the girl does. If neither, you could trade your ticket and head downunder. I'm not a pretty girl, but you'd be welcome in my home.
on Jan 07, 2008
Wildflower is a really girly name. Did he pretend to be female when using that word?