Self-deprecation is worth its weight in smoldering phoenix-ashes and baby unicorn tears.
or; just work already, stupid thing.
Published on March 2, 2007 By SanChonino In Misc
I don't know how many of you use the U-Scan at your local grocery store; in theory, this should be an excellent addition to any supermarket.

But I hate the damn things.

Don't get me wrong - the theory, as I stated, is nice. You go with your couple-three items, scan them quickly, insert money here, pick up change there, and your on your bloomin' way. But how often does it happen like that?

You get to the machine. The first thing it asks you is to scan your "Fresh Values", "Preferred Shopper", "I'm a crazy stalking corporation who monitors your every single purchase (Bua ha ha)" card. This should be painless; but of course, they seem to put the least sensitive scanners possible in those U-Scan things. (I know, I've worked at a place with really unresponsive scanners, but they were better than a U-Scan any day of the week.) So you sit there for half a minute, poking your little keychain card in every direction and permutation possible, until it finally accepts it.

And NOW you're ready to actually scan stuff.

Of course, the items with UPC symbols result just as difficult (if not more so) than your stupid card. So you spend half an hour trying to scan your first can of beef gravy. And then, once accepted, it says in a loud, annoying woman's voice, "Please place the item into the bag." And of course you do so. But it sits there, stares at you, and continues to repeat, "Please place the item into the bag." You stare at it for a moment. "I just put it into the bag, toerag of a computer . . ." yet its obstinance continues unabated. Finally, you grab the can of gravy out of your bag and thrust it forcefully back in, making a satisfying clang as the metal of the can comes in contact with the bottom of the bagging thing.

Finally, you're on to item 2. And you've only got fifteen more. Then, of course it's even more fun when you're trying to purchase veggies or fruits or something non-UPC'ed. You get to navigate the befuddled menus, looking for your bloodred pears, only to find them on the page with the artichokes and avocados. What the heck?!?

Paying is also an adventure, because they put the credit card machine in such a location as being almost impossible to get a card into. But you finally get it scanned, on your way, and it took you forever.

But what's the alternative? Usually I don't have the "Santy Claus is watching you" card on me, so I have to go to the real person checker. And of course, these places seem to be horribly understaffed these days. (Because you're supposed to be U-Scanning, you see . . .) So you stand in line for half an hour, give the smarmy checker your phone number, and you're on your way, faster than the U-Scan. But the wait. Oh the wait to finally be helped by the one checker with an open lane in the entire store. And of course, she's the checker on the cigarettes aisle, so you wait in the long, long lines.

But that's better than the U-Scan any day. I pay the price I pay at the grocery store so there are employees there to help me. When there's not (as in the case of U-Scan), I want a discount.

Give me five percent off. I'm doing your employees job, after all . . . I'm scanning, paying, bagging, and going out to my car all on my own. Give me some of my money back, dammit.

Or I'll wait in line forever and make your one employee check me out.

Comments
on Mar 02, 2007
natalie dee
nataliedee.com Story of my life sometimes . . .
on Mar 02, 2007

Biggest complaint I have about the darned things is that a lot of people that line up for them have no business doing so.  They should be reserved for express type purchases.  No cigarettes.  No checks.  Simple transactions that should be quick so that there's a real benefit to using them and only a short wait for them.

Instead, in the grocery stores in my area that have them, they reserve 1 out of 4 lanes for express purposes, don't light the sign enough to clearly note that, and invariably have someone get in the line trying to write a check, trying to purchase cigarettes or some other item that requires intervention by a cashier, etc.

Not to mention the times that the cash slot on the darned things is broken and won't accept bills, or the times that the belt jams, the confirmation scanners don't see the item properly because it was placed too far or not far enough down the belt, etc.

And finally the times that "mommy" has taken little joey or little janey to the store and the little one grabs items that haven't completely passed through the confirmation scanner and confuse the system completely.  Had that happen the other day with a woman in front of me and totally saw that going to hell in a handbasket.  I shifted lanes just in time to have the person in front of me try to pay with a crisp new $10 bill that the machine wouldn't accept.  He had to wait for the cashier to go get change for him (so they'd have old bills to try).

Service my arse.  Like you said, the stores using these things should be paying us back for doing their work, but fat chance.  All part of why I try to avoid those stores like the plague and shop where I know they employ real live cashiers.

on Mar 02, 2007
All part of why I try to avoid those stores like the plague and shop where I know they employ real live cashiers.


That's why I usually shop at the local grocers, and not the big chain. But I had to run my errands really quick and the prices are a bit lower at the big chain, with my "Hi, I'm Big Brother" card.
on Mar 02, 2007
The grocery store we used to shop at had terrible U-Scans. It was so bad it made us not want to buy produce from there. Another thing that irritated us was after you scanned an item you had to immediate put it in the bag and make sure it registered as being in the bag. If not the machine won't let you continue.

They opened a new store and the U-Scanners are so good. I have had no problems with them at all. There are so nice when you're in a hurry, especially when you see the lines with real cashiers are all long.

Now saying all that I still prefer a real cashier. Especially that cashier that works on ... oh oh I better be quiet. Rose might read this.
on Mar 02, 2007
Especially that cashier that works on ... oh oh I better be quiet. Rose might read this.


You'd better tell me. I'll just put Rose on my blacklist for a day or two, and you can say whatever you want.
on Mar 02, 2007

I'm like terpfan.  I actually love U-Scan, and immediately have a lower opinion of a store that doesn't have that option. 

But some of the people who try to use it just need to stop.  I think they need some sort of U-Scan privilege test to determine whether or not you are allowed to use it.

on Mar 02, 2007
I go to Dan's. At Dan's, they have a bevy of beautiful (jailbait seventeen-year-old) cashiers just waiting to help me out.

So, so much quicker than the U-Scan at Smith's across the street. And much, much more enjoyable.
on Mar 02, 2007
We don't have this technology in Australia yet. I'm all for it, provided it works properly. Otherwise, they're going to end up with a lot of broken scanning machines and some very pissed off customers.
on Mar 03, 2007
We don't have this technology in Australia yet.


We don't have it where i am either. We still barter rabbit pelts or buffalo bones and stuff like that for our necessities anyway...