Self-deprecation is worth its weight in smoldering phoenix-ashes and baby unicorn tears.
or; a nincom-sistent poop
Published on January 29, 2007 By SanChonino In Misc
So . . . I'm sitting there in my Women's Studies class the other day (The Rise (and fall ) of Modern Feminism) and talking to one of the girls in the class. She's a really cool girl; one of these days I'll have to ask her out. (And me meeting really cool girls seems to be a problem lately – all the cool ones are not available, and all the available ones are not cool.)

At any rate, there I was, sitting next to this girl (we'll call her Nina for our purposes here . . . mostly because that's her name) and talking, and in comes The Annoyance.

Now, The Annoyance is exactly the type of person you'd expect to encounter in a “Rise of Modern Feminism” class. She's the very butch type that we love to run from. She's got the Sinead O'Connor-style hair, pierced everything (visible, I don't care to know about the “unmentionables”), doesn't shave her legs, runs around in wife-beaters with a flannel shirt tied about her waist . . . you know the type. Not the kind of person that exudes elegance or poise.

So . . . Nina and I are speaking to each other (did I mention Nina is drop-dead kill-me-now gorgeous?) and in she comes, plopping down right in front of us, and generally exuding angst.

We begin class, and start to talk about different forms of feminism. We talk about liberal, radical, global, neo-feminism. We talk about them crazy eco-feminists, who think the whole world should live in eco-pueblos, where each community is just a group of a couple hundred and technology is moot.

During all this, of course I make jokes with Nina, poking fun at all the different types of feminism. It was all in good fun; it's not like I was being bitter or vitriolic (even though I can be at times), but I could just feel the nasty vibes emanating from The Annoyance. She's not a happy camper.

As we arrive to the big discussion part of class, and she raises her hand (stankiness issuing forth from the newly exposed pit) to put her two cents in. “To be brutally honest, I think that S.C.U.M. had it right, and we should simply eradicate the male half of the species. They're all a bunch of arrogant, misogynistic, neo-con assholes.”

I proceed to fire the V8 I'm drinking through both nostrils. I'm sure it looks like I've got a nasty bloody nose. (And can I just mention, V8 is quite the salty nastiness to expunge through your nose?)

The Annoyance turns around in her chair and glares.

Man, if looks could kill. Good thing I'm already dead from the V8 nasal enema.

Now it's time for my study of feminist thought and my own burgeoning feminism to win the day.

“Oh yeah,” I say, “All the men in the world are misogynists. Something tells me you're wrong. Plenty of us are feminists.”

“Prove it,” she contests.

“All right. I, personally, lean more towards differential feminism. Heard of In Praise of Difference? yeah, Rosiska Darcy de Oliveira had it right – of course every one deserves equal rights, but it's important to realize that there are certain physiological differences that are unavoidable among human beings, both male and female. Sorry, but S.C.U.M. didn't have it right. The answer is not to 'abolish the money system, over throw the government, and destroy the male sex.' Besides . . . Valerie Solanas was a total nutcase.”

She reddens, I smile, the teacher declares class dismissed, and Nina leaps into my arms. (Okay, all of that was true except the leaping into my arms part. Give me some time.)

Bye-bye, The Annoyance. You truly are “The nincom-sistent-poop.”

Comments (Page 1)
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on Jan 29, 2007
Damn the broken edit function! It's supposed to be "a nincom-VENIENT poop", being a play on the name "an inconvenient truth".

Oh well. Now you know, and, while still a groaner, makes a bit more sense.
on Jan 29, 2007
Ouch...she's the kind of feminist that scares me and my evil penis to death....eradicating the males of our species....pretty harsh. Not to mention that the human race would die out and all the other reprocussions and Nazi references we could go into.

~Zoo

on Jan 29, 2007
No kid gloves for you. You can handle your own with the worst of them!  
on Jan 29, 2007
Crazy femi-nazi.

No kid gloves for you.


Of course not! Don't mess with me and my feminism!
on Jan 29, 2007
No kid gloves for you. You can handle your own with the worst of them!


Or in nerdy terms..."He totally pwned her(read: It)"

~Zoo
on Jan 29, 2007
He totally pwned her


You know it, babee. Ain't nobody can mess wit' my feminist theory.
on Jan 29, 2007
Careful, she might beat you up on the playground.
on Jan 29, 2007
S.C.

I think you're the cat's meow!! Here's hoping Nina does also!

on Jan 29, 2007
she might beat you up on the playground.


This chick probably could, too . . . I'd better charge up my taser just in case . . .
on Jan 29, 2007
I think you're the cat's meow!! Here's hoping Nina does also!


Thanks for the good thoughts. I hope she does . . . details forthcoming.
on Jan 29, 2007
For kicks and giggles, here's some stuff out of the actual S.C.U.M. (Society for Cutting Up Males) manifesto, written by Ms. Solaras:

Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex.


Retaining the male has not even the dubious purpose of reproduction. The male is a biological accident: the y(male) gene is an incomplete female) gene, that is, has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.


The sick, irrational men, those who attempt to defend themselves against their disgustingness, when they see SCUM barreling down on them, will cling in terror to Big Mama with her Big Bouncy Boobies, but Boobies won't protect them against SCUM; Big Mama will be clinging to Big Daddy, who will be in the corner shitting in his forceful, dynamic pants. Men who are rational, however, won't kick or struggle or raise a distressing fuss, but will just sit back, relax, enjoy the show and ride the waves to their demise.


This is the lady who was put in jail for ten years for the attempted murder of crazyman Andy Warhol . . . party time.

This is what I call crazy, man, just crazy.
on Jan 29, 2007
Must have been "that time of the month" when she wrote that.
on Jan 29, 2007
ooooohhhhh Mason, you need to get closer so I can kick your butt!!!

on Jan 29, 2007
Must have been "that time of the month" when she wrote that.


Probably . . . wouldn't surprise me in the least! Kids, remember this equation:

Insanity + PMS = Bad

That's the extent of my math skills . . . there's a reason I'm a liberal arts major.
on Jan 30, 2007
Insanity + PMS = Bad


The limit as man approaches PMS of (Woman)(Insanity) = Death

Tee hee...who loves calculus?

~Zoo
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