Self-deprecation is worth its weight in smoldering phoenix-ashes and baby unicorn tears.
or; the failed dance party attempt
Published on August 21, 2006 By SanChonino In Dating
So . . . I know I do a lot of bandstanding about how great it is to be single, but it's starting to catch up to me. Maybe I'm not as bad about it here, but in the real world, I'm always extolling the advantages to being single. (Mostly because I can't seem to keep a stable relationship . . .)

This weekend, I was invited by a couple of friends of mine (the sensational Quilter twins) to a dance party they were having at their house. I promised I'd go . . . mostly under duress. There was going to be someone there that they really wanted me to meet. (I'd really like to be dating either one of them, because I'm pretty much floored by both, just for different reasons, but they're both currently taken. Dammit!) I'm all about meeting new people, so I decided that I'd put in my effort, and maybe something good would come of it.

So I set about the gathering of a cadre of friends to go with me. I didn't want to go by myself. Then I realized that I don't really have a cadre of friends to gather about. Ever since returning home from my mission, I've found it increasingly difficult to find a group of people to blend in with. I'm not the best in groups; I get disaffected by the whole situation. Consequently, I have a lot of friends, but I never really do anything with big groups of people, mostly just one-on-one or in groups of three or four. That's just how I've always preferred things.

So what friends I was able to get in contact with were all out of town for the weekend. (Curse my impulsive friend base . . . they were all out of town whilst I had to work!) It seemed I was destined (read: cursed) to attend the dance party alone.

I drove up there, fashionably late (the twins had told me that April, the girl they wanted me to meet, would be arriving tardy) full of fear and trepidation. Finally, I wrenched myself from the quiet solitude of my car and walked up the stairs to the party.

It was as I expected. The Quilter twins are really young – 19 – and so most of the people they invited were 17-19. I was the grandpa of the party. And it was an acute feeling. I futilely searched for my twins, finally finding them out in the mass of dancing bodies. I said, “Well, here I am. I promised I'd make an appearance, and I'm appearing.”

Ashlee told me that April wouldn't be able to come, that she was sick. I was crestfallen. I decided, then and there . . . to hell with this, I'm going to find me someone and dance, dammit!

And I failed. Miserably.

Everyone was there with their groups of friends. I was the odd man out; without a gaggle of groupies, I was the odd duck.

So I danced with each of the twins, chatting with them, wishing either was single and that I could have a chance with them, and promptly disappeared to the quiet, lonely solitude of my trusty Hyundai.

I drove home, my loneliness feeling the most acute it has in ages. I was longing for someone to be there with me, someone to talk to, to hold, and there was no one.

Arrgh. Welcome to the life of San Chonino. The saint of women's underwear and I can't even get a girl to dance with me!

Comments (Page 1)
on Aug 21, 2006
OOooohhh!  The Grandpa!  Hey old man, welcome to the club.
on Aug 21, 2006
Hey old man, welcome to the club.


I'm way too freakin' young to be the Grandpa! I'm only 22!!!!!!
on Aug 21, 2006
You're not living at home with your parent still right? Otherwise you could use the help of the girl from the movie Failure to Launch (it's funny, you should see it), but if what your problem really is with women then you need Hitch (another great movie) to help you out.

I was wondering, how well do you know these twins? Are you really close friends? Cause that could ruin your friendship if you did have a chance with either one. Or are you kinda friends but getting with one is no big deal? If so then I don't see the problem with either one being taken, the other guys don't have to know you get a piece of them once in a while (or as often as possible), I mean they don't even mind that they talk to you and invite you to parties with them. I'd be all over them by now, but that's just me, being single of course.
on Aug 21, 2006
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on Aug 21, 2006
I was wondering, how well do you know these twins? Are you really close friends?


That's exactly why I can't do anything. I am really, really close friends with both of them, so it would just ruin things. So that's why I do nothing. Thanks for the advice, though . . .

Good lord by the way you wrote it I imagined you to be about 40ish! (sorry bout that old man!)


What can I say . . . I write like an old curmudgeon.

What was your mission?


I was a minister for two years in New Mexico. It was great; but consequently, things have been . . . different . . . since returning.
on Aug 21, 2006
Awww you so need a big cuddle off Sal. I would of so danced with you if I was there babes! I know what you mean about feeling lonely. I like to think that I am very capable of a life where I don't need anyone, and when the right person comes along, it won't be because I need someone, it will just be because I like them, and I want to be with them.

Every now and then you do get them moments where you just need someone to hold, and to make you feel wanted. I undersand that completely. Your time will come babes. You are a really lovely guy, and I mean that. You will find a girl who is worthy of your greatness, and she will be well worth the wait. Enjoy the single life whilst you can, and a gorgeous, wonderful girl will be coming your way soon.

Be patient, and remember I love ya x
on Aug 21, 2006
You are a really lovely guy, and I mean that. You will find a girl who is worthy of your greatness, and she will be well worth the wait. Enjoy the single life whilst you can, and a gorgeous, wonderful girl will be coming your way soon.Be patient, and remember I love ya x


I hope your right, hon. I love ya, too . . . wish you'd have been there.
on Aug 21, 2006
Ah, I know how you feel. You're about 4 years older than me, but I know exactly what you're talking about. The whole lonely thing sucks...and I'm not really a partygoer...so I've got a bit of a handicap on the playing field. Oh well...I still try, maybe something will work out in the end....either that or I'm heading off to a monastery....

~Zoo
on Aug 21, 2006
Aw gee I feel bad for you that you didn't enjoy the party. Too bad she didn't show. At least you did go to the party. And you did make an attempt at having fun. That just wasn't your night, or party!

What about work, how's it going and what about the social network there? Not necessarily to have a relationship of a personal nature, not recommended, rather to have people to hang out with.

Don't rush it you guys, it will come. Take the word of a cough, coughrtish year old who was in your position at the tender age of 18 when everyone else around me had boyfriends, girlfriends and I was the odd 'man' out. It sucked big time. But eventually after going out with them, I got to meet a group of people in the same boat who I got along with and then met my present soul mate!
on Aug 21, 2006
You'll find someone and then you'll look back on your single days and think they were so much fun. I don't know what it is about the grass always being greener but that seems to be human nature.

Some people just aren't party people or big group people. It's definately harder if none of your friends could come with you.

Did you ever hear the song Someone Else's Star by Bryan White? It fits. Download it.
on Aug 22, 2006
either that or I'm heading off to a monastery....


Don't think I haven't already thought about it, Zoo . . .

Don't rush it you guys, it will come. Take the word of a cough, coughrtish year old who was in your position at the tender age of 18 when everyone else around me had boyfriends, girlfriends and I was the odd 'man' out. It sucked big time. But eventually after going out with them, I got to meet a group of people in the same boat who I got along with and then met my present soul mate!


JAJA, thanks Serenity, it means lots. I know that plenty have been in this boat before, but it must be a big boat, because I feel all alone in it.

Did you ever hear the song Someone Else's Star by Bryan White? It fits. Download it.


I'll look for it. Thanks for the pointer, Loca.
on Aug 22, 2006
I was a member of the lonely hearts club for years (and not just in my late teens and early twenties)...so I get what you are going through.

I sugggest you keep on accepting invitations to parties and get togethers and such. Even if you don't meet the girl of your dreams, at least you have the chance of meeting new friends and acquaintances. Hopefully, the next one you are invited to has people closer to your age.

And yeah, like what others said, you'll more likely find love when (and maybe where) you least expect it...I know I did.
on Aug 22, 2006
I sugggest you keep on accepting invitations to parties and get togethers and such. Even if you don't meet the girl of your dreams, at least you have the chance of meeting new friends and acquaintances. Hopefully, the next one you are invited to has people closer to your age.


thanks, InBloom. I intend to keep looking. I'm really not that lonely . . . but you know how it is, somedays are better than others.
on Aug 25, 2006
Hey you poor old ba*^&rd (this is a term of affection here in Australia), don't feel so bad. You're a good man who has a lot to offer. As for the twins, well neither know what they've missed out on, do they?

I spent many years single and I have to say, it is not all its cracked up to be. Sometimes it is nice just to have someone around who knows one's mind. Of course, you should never settle for 'good enough'. Go for gold and I'm sure you'll win.
on Aug 25, 2006
Sometimes it is nice just to have someone around who knows one's mind.


That's how I've been feeling lately . . . but I'm doing a lot better now . . . a late-night no-ties snog helps solve that problem really quick, at least for a minute . . .