Self-deprecation is worth its weight in smoldering phoenix-ashes and baby unicorn tears.
Published on November 20, 2008 By SanChonino In Blogging

It's true. I've been feeling ill for the last week and a half. Originally, I thought it was a bug of some kind. I don't think it is anymore. In fact, I'm afraid I'm going to feel sick like this for the next, oh, seven or eight months.

'Why', you ask?

Because I'm really, really nervous.

Ever since I went and had a good talk with my professors and have been looking into graduate programs with some degree of depth and seriousness, I've been sick to my stomach. That's it - I don't have a cough, I don't have a runny nose - but I have had a case of The Mighty D on and off the whole time. (Too much information, I know. But it's early and I'm rambling as my boring teacher is blurghing on and on about Excel and blergh.) And I'm seriously afraid that I'm going to feel this way until the GRE is out of the way and I'm accepted into a grad program.

And I'm really afraid it's not going to stop then, either, and that it's going to rage until I'm in, moved, and have started school and have some sort of stability in my new life in (insert location of grad school here). And that's just The Suck!™ - and I want it to go away.

But it's not going to. I remember feeling sick to my stomach from the day I submitted my application to study abroad in Spain until I was in my room, unpacked, and ready for school the next day.

This is going to be a long, long few months. And there's nothing to do to stop it.


Comments
on Nov 20, 2008

Bummer you feel so crappy.

on Nov 20, 2008

May my personal plea be heard, and calmness flow through out your entire being.

respectfully,

 

MM

on Nov 20, 2008

There's one way to stop it - don't think about it. It's easier than you might believe. It's always been my coping mechanism for terrifying future events. You don't have to dwell on them, and if you choose not to - ie every time you think about it, change your mind - the sickness will magically disappear as time passes.

on Nov 23, 2008

I don't get nervous like this anymore.  I take Cacto's line and don't think about it.  I can't be arsed worrying about whether something will happen or not anymore.  I've done more than my fair share of worrying in the past (and have the grey hair to prove it). 

I do hope it sorts itself out soon enough, though.  I'd hate to think of you wasting away to nothing while waiting to hear where you're going to be.

on Nov 23, 2008

Sorry you're feeling poorly. Learn to knit, it'll relax you.

on Nov 23, 2008

I am the same way.  When I am stressed, upset etc. my stomache is just one big, tight knot and it is horrible.  I try to take a deep breath and let it go.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes not.  I just have to figure that my stressing doesn't change anything, it just makes me miserable.  I hope you get in a great program and I hope you feel better. 

on Nov 24, 2008

SC,


I know you are a believing man.  I would just encourage you to pray and leave the future in G-D's hands while you are deligent in your preparations.

For me it is important that I focus on the preparations and leave the results up to G-D. 

blessings,

AD

on Nov 25, 2008

I'm with Cacto: ignorance is bliss in a situation like this.

take it easy.

nic

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