Ugh. I haven't gotten my visa yet, because of stupid complications with the school and the Christmas holiday. It's got me seriously stressed out - I can't sleep, I can't eat, I feel sick to my stomach all the time, and my quality of life isn't that great right now, consequently.
And I'm going to feel this way until I get the visa, because everything is riding on that damned thing. If I don't have it, I'm screwed. I'll lose my scholarships, because I won't be going to school this semester. I won't be able to go to school, thus delaying grad school another semester. I've already given my job my leaving notice, which means I won't have a place to work - and all the money for insurance, plane tickets, visa applications, etc. will have been in vain - over 2000 big ones flushed down the toilet.
So it's not like I don't have cause to be worried. But I worry, stew, and fret about it all day, every day.
It's not healthy.
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So, because I don't want to worry about the visa, I try to put my mind on other things. But the problem with that is I'm in high worry mode - which means that, whatever else I try to focus on, I worry about it.
For example: there's this girl I met recently (oddly enough, the girl that's taking my place at the bank when I leave) who's very cool, and who I've become quite fond of.
We've gone out a couple of times, but every time I think about her, I fret about stupid things, and over-analyze everything. Seriously. Like a teenage girl or something. I dissect every word she says, every message she sends me, to try and decipher whether or not she likes me.
Normally, I'd just be chill about it. No need to rush stuff, and all that. But instead of the normal, I'm plagued by thoughts of her.
Right sucks, it does.
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Anyway, I thought I had something else to talk about, but the stupid visa (or the girl, when I'm trying not to think about the visa) is all that I can think about lately.
I mean, come on. It's not like I can really date this girl anyway - I'm (in theory, dammit) leaving for Spain at the end of the month. So what am I fretting about?
Judas Priest. I hate it.